After having watched the Disney Channel Games yesterday and reading Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs for last night’s bedtime story, Jordan and I fell into the following conversation while walking her to school.
Sharon: You know what would be cool?
Jordan: If I didn’t have to go to school?
Sharon: (Ponders this for a moment)Do you know what ELSE would be cool?
Jordan: What?
Sharon: If the Umpa Lumpa and the Munchkins had a showdown in obstacle courses just like the Disney Channel Games.
Jordan: Oh my god, that’ll be really cool! (Mimics commentator’s voice) In the red corner, from the Chocolate Factory, the UMPA LUMPA!
Sharon:(Mimics commentator’s voice as well) And in the blue corner, from The Yellow Brick Road, the MUNCHKINS! (Then really fast) Not to be confused with that from Dunkin’ Donuts. (Cups hands around mouth to mimic crowd cheer)
Jordan: Hey what about the Seven Dwarfs?
Sharon: Oh right. (With comentator’s voice) And in the corner with birds and quirrels and pies and a sleeping girl in a glass coffin, introducing the many-feelinged SEVEN DWARFS!
Jordan: (Laughs out loud) Many feelinged! That’s a good one! And imagine in the bleachers what kinds of fans there are. For the Munchkins, everyone would be wearing green glasses, and there’d be the Wicked Witch of the East and….
Sharon: You mean West.
Jordan: Really? I thought it was East.
Sharon: No, I’m pretty sure it’s West.
Jordan: Right. And…
Sharon: And and, they’d have Toto as their mascot.
Jordan: Riiight… I’m sure the Munchkins look enough like a mascot to BE their own mascot.
Sharon: And in the Umpa Lumpa corner, you’d have fans eating complimentary chocolate, and that fat horrid boy, and the bubblegum-eating chick, and…
Jordan: Sharon, why are short people called dwarfs?
Sharon: They’re not dwarfs, they’re midgets. Technically, dwarfs are nonexistent. They’re fairy tale characters.
Jordan: They are not!
Sharon: Fine, you got me. I was lying. I don’t really know. But I do know the politically correct term is “little people.”
Jordan: That sounds even more insulting to me.
Sharon: That’s because you’re not a little person.
Jordan: I’m a child, I could pass for a little person.
Sharon: Too many questions! Lets just call them “vertically challenged.”
Jordan: And you know who can be the host of the midget games? BORAT! (Laughs obnoxiously)
Sharon: Oh my god you are right! We should so pitch this to the networks! But “midget games” is too… plain.
Jordan: How about Fairy Fights?
Sharon: Mm, too Tinkerbell. I know! Let’s call it “Little” League…
Jordan:(Lost, being that Little League is an American term not familiar to her British brain) What are you on about?
Sharon: (Sighs) Nevermind. We’re here! Bye!






